“Be honest with me.”
Sounds straightforward. Apparently, there’s some fine print.
Be honest—as long as you agree. As long as it’s flattering. As long as your answer doesn’t interfere with the decision they already made.
Otherwise, you’re negative. Unsupportive. Maybe even an asshole.
Five minutes ago, I was a trusted source of advice. Now I’m the defendant.
People ask, “What do you think?” when what they really want is, “That’s brilliant. You’ve thought of everything.”
Sometimes I think it’s a bad idea. Sometimes I think you handled something poorly. And sometimes I think the person you’re complaining about has a pretty reasonable point.
That last one can really fuck up an afternoon.
I’m not suggesting honesty gives you permission to be cruel. Some people say, “I just tell it like it is,” when they could just as accurately say, “I enjoy being a dick.”
There’s a difference between giving someone a straight answer and looking for an opportunity to hurt them.
But if you ask for my opinion, I’m assuming you want it. I didn’t realize I was auditioning for a supporting role in a decision you’d already made.
You’re free to disagree with me. Explain what I’m missing. Give me information that changes the picture.
Just don’t ask me to be honest, then act betrayed because I took the request seriously.
If you want reassurance, ask for reassurance. If you want someone to listen, say that. I can do either.
But “be honest with me” shouldn’t require me to guess which lie you’d prefer.